Trending Review: #HottestPeopleOnTwitter

By Ben Spielberg

It seems quite natural for human beings to categorize ourselves—in high school, we had the jocks, the Goths, the nerds, and the burnouts (we have all of these in our office). The latest trending hashtag brings these memories back by reminding us to organize one another into two groups with at least four variables:

  1. Hot people who use Twitter
  2. Hot people who don’t use Twitter
  3. Unattractive people who use Twitter
  4. Unattractive people who don’t use Twitter

This can get complicated.

When I first discovered #HottestPeopleOnTwitter, I immediately deleted my iPhone Twitter app because I knew all of my followers were going to flood me with mentions for the duration of the trending period. I found a loophole, though—who wants to be one of the hottest people on Twitter? I want to be the hottest human being on the face of the Earth. Getting nominated for #hottestpeopleontwitter is like coming in at 2nd place in Mario Party.

Why do we treat attractive people like royalty? Is it to humble ourselves? If so, Los Angeles is full of some pretty humble people. Maybe our society loves attractive people because we’re secretly fishing for compliments—in other words, if I say Jaron is attractive, he’ll exclaim, “No! You are!” Let’s see what Twitter has to say.

@Joshyyyyyyyyyyy is clearly in denial about his boyish good looks. Why can’t he just accept it? His low self-esteem is bringing him down even though he was nominated as one of the #hottestpeopleontwitter.

@Bielosophy really wants people to know how hot Justin Bieber is. I mean, it’s understandable I guess, but surely there has to be someone who’s slightly less handsome than Justin Bieber. Don’t worry George Clooney, my parents still love you.

@OhKidrauhl1D, are you really laughing? Because it seems like you’re actually crying. And it’s making me depressed. Maybe you’re laughing and crying at the same time, in which case I can recommend a good psychiatrist.

@luiiziitap says it starts and ends with Tom Felton. But who is Tom Felton?

Not bad, Tom. Not bad at all.

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