Occupy Wall Street’s Biggest Competition

With all the hype surrounding Occupy Wall Street, it’s easy to forget about all the other “Occupy” movements. Hopefully after reading this, you guys will keep the other 99% of protests in mind.

Occupy Blog Street

Slogan: Divide WordPress, Share tumblr!

Celebrities Most Likely To Support: Rosie O’ Donnell, Zach Braff, Jennifer Love Hewitt

Did you know that 1% of the blogs get 90% of the traffic?  We MUST change this.  We’re holding an Internet sit-in, starting tomorrow at noon.  Web surfers of the world unite!  Go on the most popular blogs and leave angry comments about how greedy they are.  Don’t sign off—no matter what.  We will overload their servers until they must make room for the other 99 percent of bloggers, like that guy Roger who posts pictures of the cats he sees or Joseph’s Tumblr, where he reposts pictures of shoes and cigarette smoke.

Occupy LOL Street

Occupy LOL Street tends to get very emotional

Slogan: Everyone Wants A ROFL But Few Have Them All

Did you know that 1% of people get 90% of LOLs? We cannot let this happen. In order to share the LOLs equally, we need to hold protests immediately without letting our precious LOLs go. We will not LOL at the 1% until the LOLs are distributed evenly. We cannot let 1%ers like Carrot Top or Sinbad continue collecting our precious LOLs. Did you know that some of them even get ROFLs?

Occupy Main Street

Logo: An empty street, protest-less street juxtaposed against Wall Street.

SEO Phrases: “2 th st occupied share protest,” “occupy other streets,” “support local streets 99%”

Did you know that, since Occupy Wall Street’s conception, Wall Street has gotten 90% of the protesters?  The other 99% of streets are empty, hungry for angry, unemployed collegiate types. Let’s share the sidewalk and evenly distribute our protests. Who is occupying St. Marks Street in Manhattan other than grungy NYU students? Who is occupying 3rd Street in Santa Monica other than confused German-tourists and Hot Dog On A Stick employees?

99% of streets are lonely.  Go occupy them.

Occupy Matzo Ball Soup

Blog Titles:

  1. “Police Spray Kreplach Supporters With Rubber Bullets; Many Civilians Wounded”
  2. “Borscht Speaks Out Against Trickle-Down Soup Theory”
  3. “Not All Balls Are Matzo”

Slogan: Good Borscht Come From Happy Beets

Currently, Matzo Ball Soup controls an estimated 90% of soup in Jewish homes. If Matzo Ball Soup continues to monopolize, there is no telling what could happen. There are so many other Jewish soups out there, like Kreplach and Borscht that are going to fade out due to lack of recognition. If we don’t do something about it, who will? Next time you make soup, think of the 99%.

Occupy Work Bathrooms

We Are the 99%

You know that guy at work who takes War and Peace into the bathroom on Black Friday and doesn’t come out until Good Friday?  He is in the one percent of office workers.  These people take up 99 percent of the bathroom space at work, so that when you have to take a quick post-morning coffee leak, you have to wait until you already have that 2 o’clock feeling.

We have a solution.  Occupy work bathrooms.  Get all of your infrequent bathroom using coworkers together and hang out in the stall so that when that guy brings in Anna Kerenina after a burrito breakfast, he’s the one who will have to wait.

About Beit T'Shuvah

Beit T’Shuvah is a residential addiction treatment center, congregation, and an educational institute where life is celebrated and every soul matters.
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