The BTS shootout is back for the holidays. In this impartial, non-denominational shootout, we’re going to settle a holiday battle that’s been going on for centuries (millennia, actually).
Christmas vs. Hanukkah
Food: Jews use Hanukkah to celebrate the miracle of oil with delicious fried foods. It’s a tradition of high flavor, high calorie, deep-fried awesomeness—fried donuts, fried potato pancakes (Latkes), etc. Yes, this is true. You’d like to convert. Take a number.
Religiosity: People might be surprised to know that Hanukkah is not a very holy day for Jews. That means that we don’t have to spend 5 hours of our days in a Temple doing “religious stuff.” In fact, while all the Christians are in church on Christmas day, Jews are out eating Chinese food and seeing every movie in theaters.
Length: 8 days beats one, handily. Need we say more?
Commercialism (or lack thereof): As a Hanukkah reveler, you get to tune out the noise from all the annoying advertising and marketing noise on the radio, TV, the internet, etc.
Decorations: Hanukkah, when compared to Christmas, is like comparing Liberace to Lou Reed. Hanukkah needs more flamboyance. Too understated.
Time: If you’re not a fan, Hanukkah is too long. No holiday should last 8 days, says the party-pooper.
Movies: Although “8 Crazy Nights” was a masterpiece, Hanukkah simply can’t compete with Christmas in the area of holiday-themed movies. Christmas has “Bad Santa,” “Miracle on 34th Street,” “A Christmas Story,” “It’s a Wonderful Life,” etc. Hanukkah has work to do here.
Decorations: Sorry, Hanukkah fans, your menorahs and dreidels are no match for a lawn with a plastic Santa, fake reindeer, and enough lights to make Clark Griswald happy.
Time: Christmas is a short and sweet affair. If you really dread it, you can take solace in knowing it’s really only a 12-hour investment.
Presents: A BTS’er who celebrates both holidays testified that she gets more presents on Christmas than Hanukkah. We feel her account is enough, no sample size bias here. Christmas wins in this category.
Food: Wait, didn’t we just eat turkey, tofurkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing? How about changing it up a little, people? Sushi anyone?
Commercialism: America saturates the airwaves with red ribbon, reindeer and Santas during this time of year. It’s annoying, and it’s cheesy. By the time the actual holiday comes around, you’re over it.
Presents: Having to buy Christmas presents for people is a huge economic burden. If you skimp, your loved ones will hate you. Not many fun options here.
VERDICT: IT’S A DRAW.
There are many double-edged swords in this holiday shootout. You either like the holidays or you don’t. You either like giving presents, or you’re a fan of receiving them. This one’s simply too close to call.
Which one is your fave?