BTS Shootout Part Deux: Hanukkah vs. Christmas

The BTS shootout is back for the holidays. In this impartial, non-denominational shootout, we’re going to settle a holiday battle that’s been going on for centuries (millennia, actually).

Christmas vs. Hanukkah

shutterstock_60473887christmasppl

Hanukkah

STRENGTHS:

Food: Jews use Hanukkah to celebrate the miracle of oil with delicious fried foods. It’s a tradition of high flavor, high calorie, deep-fried awesomeness—fried donuts, fried potato pancakes (Latkes), etc. Yes, this is true. You’d like to convert. Take a number.

jewfood

Religiosity:  People might be surprised to know that Hanukkah is not a very holy day for Jews.  That means that we don’t have to spend 5 hours of our days in a Temple doing “religious stuff.”  In fact, while all the Christians are in church on Christmas day, Jews are out eating Chinese food and seeing every movie in theaters.

Length: 8 days beats one, handily. Need we say more?

Commercialism (or lack thereof): As a Hanukkah reveler, you get to tune out the noise from all the annoying advertising and marketing noise on the radio, TV, the internet, etc.

WEAKNESSES

Decorations: Hanukkah, when compared to Christmas, is like comparing Liberace to Lou Reed. Hanukkah needs more flamboyance. Too understated.

liberace

Time: If you’re not a fan, Hanukkah is too long. No holiday should last 8 days, says the party-pooper.

Movies: Although “8 Crazy Nights” was a masterpiece, Hanukkah simply can’t compete with Christmas in the area of holiday-themed movies. Christmas has “Bad Santa,” “Miracle on 34th Street,” “A Christmas Story,” “It’s a Wonderful Life,” etc. Hanukkah has work to do here.

<a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-842284p1.html?cr=00&pl=edit-00">s_bukley</a> / <a href="http://www.shutterstock.com/?cr=00&pl=edit-00">Shutterstock.com</a>

Christmas

STRENGTHS:

Decorations: Sorry, Hanukkah fans, your menorahs and dreidels are no match for a lawn with a plastic Santa, fake reindeer, and enough lights to make Clark Griswald happy.

05_Flatbed_1 - DECEMBER

Time: Christmas is a short and sweet affair. If you really dread it, you can take solace in knowing it’s really only a 12-hour investment.

Presents: A BTS’er who celebrates both holidays testified that she gets more presents on Christmas than Hanukkah. We feel her account is enough, no sample size bias here. Christmas wins in this category.

WEAKNESSES:

Food: Wait, didn’t we just eat turkey, tofurkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing? How about changing it up a little, people? Sushi anyone?

Commercialism: America saturates the airwaves with red ribbon, reindeer and Santas during this time of year. It’s annoying, and it’s cheesy. By the time the actual holiday comes around, you’re over it.

Presents: Having to buy Christmas presents for people is a huge economic burden. If you skimp, your loved ones will hate you. Not many fun options here.

presentguy

VERDICT:  IT’S A DRAW.

There are many double-edged swords in this holiday shootout. You either like the holidays or you don’t. You either like giving presents, or you’re a fan of receiving them. This one’s simply too close to call.

Which one is your fave?

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5 Reasons Why Santa Claus is a Social Media Guru

By Josh Silver

For centuries people have poked holes in the myth of Santa Claus.  How does he deliver all those presents in one night?  How do all of those letters actually get to him?  Well the answer is simple—Santa Claus runs one heck of a social media campaign.  In fact, in many ways the methods that Santa uses have led him to be a social media guru.  Here’s why:

  1. Santa ClausSanta was the first Facebook stalker.

Let’s be honest, it’s everyone’s guilty pleasure.  But while you are checking out your ex to see if she’s hitting the clubs, Santa has to check every Facebook page in the entire world to see if people have been naughty or nice.  In many ways his naught/nice list was the first online database.  The “guru” part of it is he’s been doing it since before electricity.  So the next time you consider posting pictures of yourself puking in a parking lot, you might want to think about that piece of coal with your name on it.
2.  His Facebook page has over 244,000 Likes

That’s right.  Santa, the so-called “fictional” symbol of good will has more Facebook friends than you and all your friends combined.  This means that Santa can churn out the holiday spirit all year round.  What’s even more impressive is that Santa Claus transcends the language barrier through his love of all the children of mankind.  That means that you can find posts from people in nearly every continent on Santa Claus’ page.

3.  Elves are amazing content managers

Since nobody has ever actually seen an elf sleep, it is safe to assume that they just manage comments 24/7.  Sure, most of them are probably “making toys” and “shining the sled” but a select few have probably been chosen to spread that elvish cheer all over the Internet.  Just imagine, when somebody posts, “Hey Santa never got back to me, he’s probably not real,” wouldn’t you want someone with a genetically cheerful personality to respond?

4.  You can now DM Santa to save time.

That’s right.  Santa Claus is on Twitter too and with over 334,000 followers people can now DM their Christmas requests straight to Santa’s workshop.  A typical tweet from Santa is either a typical “good will toward man” kind of tweet or a simple countdown notice to Christmas but either way Santa is definitely someone you’ll want to follow.

5.  Santa might discriminate but social media doesn’t.

For the millions of children that aren’t Christians, Christmas can be a rough time of year.  Well not anymore.  Now it doesn’t matter if you’re Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, or from an island of purple-skinned pagans who pray to a G-d of mustard.  Either way, you’ll know that Santa got your message—thanks to the power of social media.

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The Truth About Online Dating??

Does the profile picture on your J-Date account really look like you? Have you ever met someone that looks nothing like their profile picture? Have you ever seen this before? Think hard about this, its actually pretty funny.

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Dupe me once, Dupe me twice

By Charlie Patterson

Been on Facebook lately? Have you read those paragraphs of legal jargon your friends are posting—those that start with “In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare..?” Perhaps you’ve copied and posted one yourself. Well, they’re pointless. You won’t suddenly attain any more legal protection than the constitution affords you by posting them. They won’t do anything for you, apart from making you look gullible. And what’s the motivation? Are you concerned someone will steal the gold within your status updates and make millions? No offense, but there’s probably nothing within your profile or status updates that anyone could make a penny on, or would want to steal. It’s also ironic that people will willingly give up all privacy by joining Facebook and then ask for it back. Well, the only way to really get your privacy back is to delete your Facebook profile completely, but we don’t want that. Losing you would be a tragedy. Your weekly spam infections entertain us. We love your faux pas. If it weren’t for you, we’d lose touch with the latest urban legends and hoaxes. Don’t go anywhere, please.

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BTSComm Battle “Thanksgiving Edition”

Turkey vs. Tofurkey

It’s Thanksgiving folks, and fittingly we’re kicking off our BTS Battle series of entries with a special edition—a battle of famous food entrees. Let’s see how the contenders match up:

An American Classic.

Turkey         

Strenghts:

-Flavor

-Low fat content

-Sentimental value

-Aesthetics (looks like a turkey)

Weaknesses:

-Price

-Political incorrectness

-Tryptophan sleepiness

-Tricky preparation

Tofurky

Mouth watering. Umm, yeah.

Strengths:

-Political correctness

-Hip

-Ease of preparation

-Affordability

Weaknesses:

-Flavor (sorry, “meat analogues” can’t beat the real thing)

-High fat content (much higher than Turkey)

-Lack of tradition or sentimentality

-Aesthetics (looks like an uninspiring, round ball of dough)

The winner: TURKEY

After hours of deliberation and careful consideration, BTS Communications picked Turkey as the winner of our first-ever “BTS Battle.” Numerous compelling reasons were cited by our staff, but graphic designer Zach Fetters summed it up best when he asked “Why would you half-ass anything?” This is a truth that extends beyond the dinner table. It’s an aphorism, an uplifting proverb.

So, please, don’t “half-ass” this great holiday. Eat a Turkey. Please.

From the staff of BTS Communications, happy Thanksgiving.

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Catch of the Day

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